Rejection is part of life. This past week, I experienced rejection both personally and professionally. Both were isolated incidents, but both situations hurt. Having one’s ideas rejected is difficult and it’s hard not to take that personally. For leaders, each “no” can feel like a roadblock to success. I spent the weekend thinking about rejection to find the upside. Time and reflection do make things better. I realized that with the right mindset, these rejections can become the fuel that propels me and my business to new heights.
Let’s take a look at some common types of rejection and provide some insights on how to handle and learn from them. Here are some common ways people might experience rejection:
- Personal relationships – not having feelings reciprocated from friends, families, and romantic relationships. This is especially true if you’re a “Words of Affirmation” person – look that up, if you don’t know what that means.
- Professional relationships – being passed over for a job offer, promotion, loan application, or acceptance into a professional group.
- Creative endeavors – having creative works rejected by clients or peers.
- Sales – when a prospective new customer chooses not to buy from you.
- Customer relationships – when an existing customer chooses to cancel or not renew a contract.
- Athletic performances – when you lose the game or fail to meet a specific athletic standard.
- Auditions or try-outs – not being selected for a part on a team, play, musical, or other group.
- Social settings – not being included in social groups aka “being left out”.
- Competitions and contests – not winning or advancing in a competitive scenario. This is especially frustrating if you don’t know you’re even in competition until you find out later you were!
Rejection can come in many forms and from various avenues. Here are some ways in which someone might experience rejection:
- Direct Verbal Rejection: Individuals can be straightforward and tell you ‘no’ or express their disinterest directly. This is my preferred way of getting rejected because it’s normally quick and direct. There’s no second-guessing and you can immediately move on.
- Indirect Verbal Rejection: This can be less straightforward, where someone may give vague or non-committal responses which essentially amount to a rejection.
- Non-verbal Rejection: Sometimes people show their disinterest or rejection through body language, like avoiding eye contact or turning away.
- Written Rejection: Rejection can come in the form of a letter, email, or text message, such as a declined job application or a breakup message. Similar to a direct verbal rejection, it’s very direct.
- Online Rejection: Individuals can experience rejection on social media or other online channels through unresponsiveness, unfollows, or even negative comments.
- Passive Rejection: This form of rejection happens when someone ignores your calls, messages, or invitations, essentially rejecting you without a direct confrontation. This is my least favorite form of rejection. See my earlier article about ghosting in the workplace.
- Exclusion: Similar to a passive rejection, this is specifically being left out of gatherings, meetings, or social events. It may or may not be intentional.
- Disapproval: One can also experience rejection through disapproval of their ideas, behaviors, or lifestyles. Although not as straightforward as a direct verbal or written rejection, the intent is usually pretty clear.
- Constructive Criticism: While it’s intended to help, some individuals may interpret constructive criticism as a form of rejection. It’s not easy to take constructive feedback, but the best leaders do and learn from it.
- Comparative Rejection: Being passed over for opportunities in favor of others, whether in professional, social, or personal contexts. This is normally less painful if it’s clear that you’re in competition for something. Comparative rejection when you don’t know you’re in competition is more awkward and frustrating.
Yes, you can see I did a lot of thinking about rejection over the weekend. If you’re dealing with rejection, I know how you might be feel. Each of these types of rejection can be challenging to deal with. However, as I wrote this article it helped me gain perspective. Understanding the nature of rejection and developing coping strategies can lead to personal growth and improved resilience.
Now that we’ve identified some of the situations and ways in which someone might experience rejection. Let’s examine some ways we can handle rejection.
Allow Yourself to Feel the Emotions: It’s natural to feel disappointed or upset after a rejection. Give yourself some time to process your emotions. I did that myself this past weekend.
Avoid Personalizing the Rejection: It’s important to remember that rejection is a part of life and does not define your worth. Try to separate your self-worth from the situation at hand.
Practice Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, patience, and understanding. This isn’t easy to do and I tend to be harder on myself than anyone else. Self-compassion can help you recover and move forward.
Seek Support: Talk to supportive friends, family, or co-workers who can provide a positive perspective.
Learn and Grow: Reflect on the experience and see if there’s anything you can learn from it. Every rejection can be a learning experience to improve and grow.
Keep Trying: Don’t let rejection hold you back. Keep putting yourself out there and pursuing what you desire. Keep networking, improving your skills, and applying for new opportunities.
Maintain Professionalism: No matter the circumstance, it’s essential to remain professional. If given the opportunity, thank the person for their time and consideration.
Ask for Feedback: If appropriate, ask for feedback to understand why you were rejected. This information can be invaluable for improving and growing professionally. It’s not always easy to do, but if the other person opens up the lessons learned may make you even stronger than you would have been had you not been rejected.
Reflect on the Feedback: Take time to reflect on any feedback you receive, and see how you can apply it moving forward. Not all feedback is helpful, nor is rejection always warranted. Indeed, I’ve been in situations where something I proposed was rejected only to see that same idea championed and implemented later. Timing matters.
Develop Resilience: One of my new favor words – resilience. Resilience is a skill that can be built over time. Practice resilience by staying motivated, learning from rejection, and continuing to pursue your goals despite setbacks.
The author Joe Domaleski and his wife Mary Catherine at the Rocket Center in Huntsville, Alabama. They’re probably not thinking about rejection, but this picture does match the title of the article. Photo/Joe Domaleski
Rejection, despite its initial sting, can indeed be turned into rocket fuel propelling individuals towards personal and professional growth when met with a constructive mindset. By acknowledging the emotions tied to rejection, seeking supportive environments, and applying the lessons learned from each experience, individuals can build resilience and gain a deeper understanding of their goals and the pathways to achieve them.
Whether encountered in a personal relationship, a professional setting, or any other domain, rejection is not indicative of one’s worth but rather an opportunity for self-reflection and improvement. The metaphor of turning rejection into rocket fuel means transforming adversity into momentum. With the right perspective and proactive coping strategies, handling rejection becomes a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. By harnessing the energy from rejection, much like a rocket harnessing fuel, individuals can soar to new heights, achieving objectives that once seemed beyond reach.
Writing this article helped me put rejection into perspective and I hope it helps you as well. Keep soaring leaders!
[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year. Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran. He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. ]