Handling high-maintenance people and situations without losing your cool

by Joe Domaleski | Nov 6, 2023 | Blog, Business, Columnists, Community, Front Page, News Center, Opinion

Dealing with high-maintenance people and situations is always a challenge, but it’s even more so during the holiday season. High-maintenance situations are extra tricky during this time because everyone is in a hurry, and patience is in short supply.

A high-maintenance person or situation is often characterized by intense and sometimes excessive and disproportionate demands on time, attention, or resources. High-maintenance individuals may have exacting standards, require a great deal of emotional support, or insist on special treatment.

The term is not always negative and can vary widely in its application. In the context of people, it may simply refer to someone who has specific preferences and is vocal about them, akin to “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” When it pertains to a situation, it normally refers to something that should be simple but isn’t and requires recurring care and precise attention to detail.

Dealing with high-maintenance individuals (or situations), whether they involve clients, colleagues, family members, or personal acquaintances, can present a variety of challenges:

Time Consumption: High-maintenance situations often require a disproportionate amount of time and attention. This can be taxing and detract from other responsibilities or relationships.

Emotional Drain: Excessive demands can be emotionally draining, as they often involve people who need reassurance or have frequent complaints that need addressing.

Resource Allocation: Situations that are high-maintenance can monopolize resources that could be more evenly distributed or used more efficiently elsewhere.

Conflict and Stress: High-maintenance scenarios may generate conflict or stress among those involved, leading to a tense environment.

Unpredictability: The expectations of high-maintenance individuals might change frequently, making it difficult to anticipate their needs or plan accordingly.

Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining boundaries with high-maintenance people can be challenging, as they might push back or ignore them.

Communication: People who are high-maintenance may require more elaborate communication and can misinterpret or be dissatisfied with information, regardless of its clarity or frequency.

Performance Pressure: The pressure to meet high-maintenance standards can lead to stress and impact performance or quality of work.

Opportunity Cost: If you’re running a business, catering to high-maintenance individuals can lead to missed opportunities, as their demands can distract from focusing on new or more profitable ventures.

Relationship Dynamics: The behavior of high-maintenance individuals can alter group dynamics, leading to imbalances and potential resentment from others.

Most high-maintenance people don’t see themselves that way, which presents an extra challenge for those trying to deal with them. Over the years, I have been guilty of “feeding” high-maintenance situations and people by not setting proper boundaries and expectations. When you’re in the customer service business like I am, you want your clients to be happy. Sometimes doing that one “no-charge favor” turns into an ongoing set of unsustainable expectations. People for whom you did that one-time favor often forget the circumstances, and the extra care becomes the new, unsustainable normal.

Here are some tips I’ve learned over the years on how to deal with high-maintenance people and situations (yes, this can include friends/family):

• Understand the Underlying Needs – Often, high-maintenance behavior stems from past experiences where a person’s needs were not adequately met. Take the time to understand their concerns. Are they seeking quality, attention to detail, or simply reassurance? By addressing the underlying need, you can often preempt their demands.
• Communicate Clearly and Frequently – Misunderstandings can amplify high-maintenance tendencies. Set clear expectations from the start and maintain regular communication. This doesn’t mean being at their beck and call but providing timely updates and responses. It reassures them that they’re in capable hands. Always take notes and keep a written record, especially if you’re dealing with clients or business situations.
• Set Firm Boundaries – It’s essential to establish boundaries regarding availability, scope of work, and the communication process. Be assertive but polite when conveying these limits. Remember, boundaries are not just for you; they’re for the client to have a clear understanding of the working relationship.
• Charge Appropriately – If a client requires an exceptional amount of your time and resources, it’s reasonable to adjust your rates to compensate for this. Explain that the level of service they require incurs additional charges. This can often lead to a more balanced relationship. I wrote a previous article about the cost and value of customer service.
• Stay Organized – High-maintenance clients and situations can send you into a tailspin if you’re not organized. Keep meticulous records of all communications and agreements. This will not only keep you sane but also provide a point of reference for any disputes.
• Be Empathetic – Put yourself in their shoes. High-maintenance clients often just want to be heard and valued. Show empathy, and often you’ll find that this alone can de-escalate a situation.
• Train Your Team – Ensure that everyone on your team knows how to deal with high-maintenance people effectively. Training should include de-escalation techniques, customer service skills, and stress management.
• Pick Your Battles – Sometimes, it’s not about the coffee being too hot or the report being too long; it’s about feeling important. Know when to give in to small demands and when to stand firm.
• Maintain Professionalism – Regardless of how demanding or unreasonable requests may seem, always maintain a professional demeanor. This upholds your reputation and sets the tone for the relationship.
• Know When to Walk Away – In rare cases, if a client’s demands become too much for you to handle, it may be best to part ways. Do so professionally, and provide them with options, such as referring them to another service provider. If it’s a family member or friend, you may need to walk away and get a fresh perspective on the situation so you can re-engage at a later time.

I tend to like to solve problems and situations immediately, then move on. To me, most problematic situations and relationships are fixable. Over the years, I’ve learned that not everyone is willing or able to do that. After I’ve made a best-efforts attempt at resolution, oftentimes I’ll seek outside counsel to get fresh perspectives. If that still doesn’t fix the situation or relationship, then I look for an exit strategy. Life is too short to be miserable, and honestly, some people in life just don’t want to be happy. I’m not one of those people.

In conclusion, handling high-maintenance people is an exercise in balance—balancing their needs with your own, balancing empathy with assertiveness, and balancing accommodation with boundary-setting. Keep your cool by staying prepared, composed, and understanding, and you’ll navigate these complex relationships with grace and professionalism.

How do you intend to handle high-maintenance people and situations this holiday season?

[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year.  Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran.  He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. Sign up for the Country Fried Creative newsletter to get marketing and business articles directly in your inbox. ]

Keeping calm, letting go, and carrying on – handling holiday stress as a small business owner

by Joe Domaleski | Oct 30, 2023 | Blog, Business, Columnists, Community, Front Page, News Center, Opinion

It seems a bit ironic that I would write a column about handling stress, especially when I grapple with it myself. Over the years, running a small marketing agency has taught me that the holiday season, while filled with festive cheer and holiday excitement, can also bring its own set of challenges. Balancing client demands, ensuring the team is in high spirits, and dealing with the personal pressures the season sometimes brings, has been a learning journey. Recently, I found myself confronting the “double whammy” of two particularly stressful situations that, admittedly, got the better of me.

In the first situation, a long-time client lied to me. Because I tend to be a trusting person, I couldn’t see the situation for what it was and had to get an outside perspective. “Yes Joe, they lied to you and they did so probably because they didn’t have the heart to handle the situation with you directly,” said my trusted advisor. I kept playing back the situation in my head thinking I had done something wrong or was misreading something. What made the situation more awkward was the fact that some others in the community that I trusted, played along with the deception. Instead of just letting it go, I held on to the situation and stewed over it in my head.

During the same time frame, I had to handle the dismissal of an under-performing team member. We have great employees and in our twenty year history have rarely had to let anyone go. It’s in my nature to seek the best in others, which sometimes blinds me to reality. In this case, we had to make a change after multiple attempts to make things better. Terminating someone’s employment is always a stressful and disheartening task.

Specific sources of stress we face as a small marketing agency include:

• High Client Expectations: Although we pride ourselves on high quality creative services, some clients have expectations that rival those for larger agencies who are operating with bigger budgets.
• Tight Deadlines: I don’t think this is unique to our industry or firm – society is impatient. While quality takes time, most people don’t want to wait which puts pressure on deadlines. We tend to move much quicker than industry averages but that can sometimes create unrealistic expectations.
• Diverse Skill Demands: Even though we’re larger than many other local marketing firms, we’re still a small company. Our employees often wear multiple hats, which can be both rewarding and stressful, especially if they’re stepping into unfamiliar territory. We try really hard to keep business local with local employees – which bucks the trend of outsourcing things overseas.
• Client Dependency: We love all of our clients – large and small. Relying heavily on a few clients for revenue is stressful, as losing just one client can have a significant financial impact. For those of you running organizations with large contracts or grants, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
• Financial Pressures: Managing budgets, ensuring positive cash flow, and dealing with the uncertainties of fluctuating income can be a source of ongoing stress. Probably the biggest challenge facing our business is accounts receivable. The business is coming in, but getting paid for our work is sometimes a challenge.
• Keeping Up with Trends: The fast-paced nature of marketing, with ever-evolving digital platforms and consumer behaviors, means we must continually adapt and learn.
• Scaling Challenges: We’ve struggled with this as do most businesses that are growing. Hiring the right talent, expanding our client base, and remaining true to our hometown base is not easy.
• Client Communication: Again, not unique to my company but managing client expectations, handling feedback, or dealing with difficult clients can be challenging and stressful.
• Dealing with Rejection: Rejection is an inherent part of our industry. Whether it’s a pitch that didn’t win a client over, a campaign idea that was turned down, or a proposal that didn’t secure funding, rejection is disheartening and it’s hard not to take it personally. For small agencies like mine, where every potential client and project can be crucial for growth and sustainability, these rejections can feel even more personal and impactful.

The Country Fried Creative team enjoys a class at Sweet Tea Yoga in Peachtree City. Instructor Tanya Dunne leads the class. Photo/Joe Domaleski

In preparation for the forthcoming holiday season, we dedicated our October company-wide meeting to health, wellness, and specifically, stress management. We conducted our session at Sweet Tea Yoga in Peachtree City. Guided by the expertise of instructor Tanya Dunne, our team engaged in a unique class tailored to enhance our well-being. Although I’ve attended similar Yoga classes myself, this is the first time I’ve participated in one with my co-workers. I highly recommend the shared experience as it shows team commitment to wellness.

Every business, indeed, every person has to contend with stress especially during the holiday season. Last year, I wrote an article entitled, “It’s always darkest before the dawn”, which identified some typical sources of holiday stress along with some general guidance on how to handle them. All of that guidance is still applicable, but for this article I want to focus specifically on keeping calm by letting things go.

In trying to deal with the stressful situations I mentioned above, I came to the realization that I was holding on to negative emotions too long. This self-awareness led me to the Parable of the Glass of Water, which illustrates the importance of letting go of life’s stresses and worries.

Holding a glass of water. Photo/Imago Photo – stock.adobe.com

In the story, a professor holds up a glass of water and asks her students how heavy they think it is. The answers vary, but the professor explains that the absolute weight doesn’t matter. What matters is how long one holds onto it. Holding it for a minute is manageable, but holding it for hours will cause strain and pain, and holding it for days will paralyze one’s arm. The same goes for our stresses and worries. Think of them as the glass of water. Hold onto them for a bit, and they’re bearable. But if we carry them all day, they become burdensome, and holding onto them longer can weigh us down completely. The lesson is to let go of the stresses and not carry them for extended periods.

As leaders, we are often told to be strong pillars for our team, to exude confidence and surety in every decision, and to always be the guiding beacon. Yet, it’s essential to recognize that we too are human, susceptible to the same stresses and strains as everyone else. The Parable of the Glass of Water is a gentle reminder that while challenges and setbacks are inevitable, how we choose to handle them determines their impact on our well-being and those around us. By learning to release these burdens promptly, we not only preserve our mental and emotional health but also foster a nurturing environment where our team feels supported and understood.

As we approach the holiday season, remember to keep calm, let go, and carry on. We got this!

[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year.  Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran.  He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. Sign up for the Country Fried Creative newsletter to get marketing and business articles directly in your inbox. ]

Seeing clearly now – achieving clarity through the lens of astronomy

by Joe Domaleski | Oct 9, 2023 | Blog, Business, Columnists, Community, Front Page, News Center, Opinion

Last Saturday night, I had the pleasure of joining the Flint River Astronomy Club at Lake Horton for ‘A Night Under the Stars,’ sponsored by Fayette County Parks and Recreation. It was a beautiful fall evening, with clear skies showcasing a dazzling array of stars, planets, and galaxies. I was fascinated to see how each amateur astronomer utilized various telescopes and devices to observe the night sky with clarity. They not only set up viewing devices for the public but also shared insights using each other’s equipment. The club engages in public outreach and also serves as a platform for members to learn from one another. One astronomer shared that achieving a clear and complete view of the night sky involves numerous tools and techniques. Being a science nerd myself, I thought astronomy might serve as a fun backdrop to explore the topic of clarity.

A Night Under the Stars from 2022 at Lake Horton. Photo/Joe Domaleski

Astronomy is a celestial science that urges us to gaze upwards and outwards, exploring the universe’s vast, complex systems. Just like astronomers use various tools and work together to explore the starry skies above, business leaders also journey through their own world. The careful watching, ongoing learning, and teamwork shown by the star-gazers can be a helpful picture for business owners and leaders looking to understand their own business world better. They seek clarity amidst a myriad of stars, planets, and galaxies – each symbolizing different facets of their enterprise. Drawing parallels from the cosmos, let’s consider ways that leaders can attain a deeper, richer understanding of their business and the world in which it operates.

Embrace the Cosmic Perspective

• Vastness and Detail: Much like our universe, businesses consist of varied, interconnected elements. Just as astronomers understand both the tiny details of individual celestial bodies and the broader cosmic structures, business leaders must balance a focus on detailed operations with overarching strategic views, recognizing the interplay of diverse business aspects and scale.
• Continuous Exploration: The universe constantly unfolds new mysteries and realms. Similarly, leaders should maintain a stance of continual exploration and learning, ensuring they’re attuned to emerging trends, technologies, and opportunities in their business landscape.

Navigate by the North Star

• Vision as Your Guiding Light: Astronomers use the North Star (Polaris) to navigate the celestial sphere. In like manner, your business vision should serve as a steadfast guide, ensuring every decision and strategy aligns with your ultimate objectives.
• Consistency in Leadership: Much like the consistency of Polaris, maintain a steady, reliable leadership style that guides your team, even amidst the evolving business cosmos.

Understand Your Galactic Cluster

• Interconnected Realms: Our galaxy, among countless others, forms a bound network in the vast universe. Your business, too, exists within a network of markets, industries, and global events. Comprehending these interconnections assists leaders in anticipating shifts and navigating through various external influences.
• Harmony in Diversity: The universe thrives in its diverse, expansive nature. Cherish the diversity within your team, leveraging varied skills and perspectives to foster innovation and resolve challenges creatively.

The Black Holes: Hidden Dangers

• Avoiding Gravitational Pull: Black holes absorb everything that ventures too close. Similarly, leaders must be wary of potential pitfalls that could detract from their path, such as unfavorable deals, toxic business relationships, or unproductive ventures.
• Innovative Escapes: Sometimes, innovative strategies and bold decisions, much like the jets propelling from black holes, can propel your business out of stagnancy and into vibrant, new territories.

Adapt to Cosmic Shifts

• The Expanding Universe: Just as the universe continuously expands and evolves, the business world is in perpetual flux. Adapting to changes, be it technological advancements, market dynamics, or internal developments, is vital to sustainable success.
• Sustainable Transformations: Implement changes that not only address immediate concerns but are also sustainable in the long run, ensuring your business remains resilient amidst future cosmic shifts.

As I was writing this piece, the subject of clarity and clear skies reminded me of this song:

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

– “I Can See Clearly Now” by Johnny nash

Embracing and understanding the vast, interconnected, and inherently mysterious universe of your business, while nimbly adapting to its dynamic nature, lays the foundation for astute and enlightened leadership. As you embark on this starry adventure with your business, may you find abundant opportunities for success, navigate through challenges, and propel your projects into a future that is not only financially prosperous but also vibrant and robust. Here’s to exploring the cosmos of your business with clarity, curiosity, and courage, guiding your team to stellar heights and beyond!

[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year.  Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran.  He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. ]

Turning rejection into rocket fuel

by Joe Domaleski | Oct 2, 2023 | Blog, Business, Columnists, Community, Front Page, News Center, Opinion

Rejection is part of life. This past week, I experienced rejection both personally and professionally. Both were isolated incidents, but both situations hurt. Having one’s ideas rejected is difficult and it’s hard not to take that personally. For leaders, each “no” can feel like a roadblock to success. I spent the weekend thinking about rejection to find the upside. Time and reflection do make things better. I realized that with the right mindset, these rejections can become the fuel that propels me and my business to new heights.

Let’s take a look at some common types of rejection and provide some insights on how to handle and learn from them. Here are some common ways people might experience rejection:

1. Personal relationships – not having feelings reciprocated from friends, families, and romantic relationships. This is especially true if you’re a “Words of Affirmation” person – look that up, if you don’t know what that means.
2. Professional relationships – being passed over for a job offer, promotion, loan application, or acceptance into a professional group.
3. Creative endeavors – having creative works rejected by clients or peers.
4. Sales – when a prospective new customer chooses not to buy from you.
5. Customer relationships – when an existing customer chooses to cancel or not renew a contract.
6. Athletic performances – when you lose the game or fail to meet a specific athletic standard.
7. Auditions or try-outs – not being selected for a part on a team, play, musical, or other group.
8. Social settings – not being included in social groups aka “being left out”.
9. Competitions and contests – not winning or advancing in a competitive scenario. This is especially frustrating if you don’t know you’re even in competition until you find out later you were!

Rejection can come in many forms and from various avenues. Here are some ways in which someone might experience rejection:

• Direct Verbal Rejection: Individuals can be straightforward and tell you ‘no’ or express their disinterest directly. This is my preferred way of getting rejected because it’s normally quick and direct.  There’s no second-guessing and you can immediately move on.
• Indirect Verbal Rejection: This can be less straightforward, where someone may give vague or non-committal responses which essentially amount to a rejection.
• Non-verbal Rejection: Sometimes people show their disinterest or rejection through body language, like avoiding eye contact or turning away.
• Written Rejection: Rejection can come in the form of a letter, email, or text message, such as a declined job application or a breakup message. Similar to a direct verbal rejection, it’s very direct.
• Online Rejection: Individuals can experience rejection on social media or other online channels through unresponsiveness, unfollows, or even negative comments.
• Passive Rejection: This form of rejection happens when someone ignores your calls, messages, or invitations, essentially rejecting you without a direct confrontation. This is my least favorite form of rejection. See my earlier article about ghosting in the workplace.
• Exclusion: Similar to a passive rejection, this is specifically being left out of gatherings, meetings, or social events. It may or may not be intentional.
• Disapproval: One can also experience rejection through disapproval of their ideas, behaviors, or lifestyles. Although not as straightforward as a direct verbal or written rejection, the intent is usually pretty clear.
• Constructive Criticism: While it’s intended to help, some individuals may interpret constructive criticism as a form of rejection. It’s not easy to take constructive feedback, but the best leaders do and learn from it.
• Comparative Rejection: Being passed over for opportunities in favor of others, whether in professional, social, or personal contexts. This is normally less painful if it’s clear that you’re in competition for something.  Comparative rejection when you don’t know you’re in competition is more awkward and frustrating.

Yes, you can see I did a lot of thinking about rejection over the weekend.  If you’re dealing with rejection, I know how you might be feel. Each of these types of rejection can be challenging to deal with. However, as I wrote this article it helped me gain perspective. Understanding the nature of rejection and developing coping strategies can lead to personal growth and improved resilience.

Now that we’ve identified some of the situations and ways in which someone might experience rejection. Let’s examine some ways we can handle rejection.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Emotions: It’s natural to feel disappointed or upset after a rejection. Give yourself some time to process your emotions. I did that myself this past weekend.

Avoid Personalizing the Rejection: It’s important to remember that rejection is a part of life and does not define your worth. Try to separate your self-worth from the situation at hand.

Practice Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, patience, and understanding. This isn’t easy to do and I tend to be harder on myself than anyone else. Self-compassion can help you recover and move forward.

Seek Support: Talk to supportive friends, family, or co-workers who can provide a positive perspective.

Learn and Grow: Reflect on the experience and see if there’s anything you can learn from it. Every rejection can be a learning experience to improve and grow.

Keep Trying: Don’t let rejection hold you back. Keep putting yourself out there and pursuing what you desire. Keep networking, improving your skills, and applying for new opportunities.

Maintain Professionalism: No matter the circumstance, it’s essential to remain professional. If given the opportunity, thank the person for their time and consideration.

Ask for Feedback: If appropriate, ask for feedback to understand why you were rejected. This information can be invaluable for improving and growing professionally. It’s not always easy to do, but if the other person opens up the lessons learned may make you even stronger than you would have been had you not been rejected.

Reflect on the Feedback: Take time to reflect on any feedback you receive, and see how you can apply it moving forward. Not all feedback is helpful, nor is rejection always warranted.  Indeed, I’ve been in situations where something I proposed was rejected only to see that same idea championed and implemented later. Timing matters.

Develop Resilience: One of my new favor words – resilience. Resilience is a skill that can be built over time. Practice resilience by staying motivated, learning from rejection, and continuing to pursue your goals despite setbacks.

The author Joe Domaleski and his wife Mary Catherine at the Rocket Center in Huntsville, Alabama. They’re probably not thinking about rejection, but this picture does match the title of the article. Photo/Joe Domaleski

Rejection, despite its initial sting, can indeed be turned into rocket fuel propelling individuals towards personal and professional growth when met with a constructive mindset. By acknowledging the emotions tied to rejection, seeking supportive environments, and applying the lessons learned from each experience, individuals can build resilience and gain a deeper understanding of their goals and the pathways to achieve them.

Whether encountered in a personal relationship, a professional setting, or any other domain, rejection is not indicative of one’s worth but rather an opportunity for self-reflection and improvement. The metaphor of turning rejection into rocket fuel means transforming adversity into momentum. With the right perspective and proactive coping strategies, handling rejection becomes a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. By harnessing the energy from rejection, much like a rocket harnessing fuel, individuals can soar to new heights, achieving objectives that once seemed beyond reach.

Writing this article helped me put rejection into perspective and I hope it helps you as well. Keep soaring leaders!

[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year.  Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran.  He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. ]