by Joe Domaleski | Jan 24, 2023 | Blog, Business, Columnists, Community, News Center, Opinion
I am not sure if it’s my age, the times we live in, or the fact that I deal with lots of people in my work but selective memory has become a real problem lately. Please know that I am not a counselor or therapist so I’m going to use the term “selective memory” in a non-clinical sense. If you suspect someone has a real memory loss problem, it’s best you refer them to a professional. For the purposes of this article, we’re going to examine selective memory that has intentionality behind it. In other words, situations in which the person chooses what to remember.
In common usage, the term selective memory is often used as a euphemism for a person’s ability to knowingly remember what they want to remember and forget things that are unpleasant or inconvenient. Scientists call this “confirmation bias”. Formally stated, confirmation bias is “the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports one’s prior beliefs or values.” (Nickerson, Raymond S. (1998), “Confirmation bias: A ubiquitous phenomenon in many guises”, Review of General Psychology). There are several dimensions to selective memory.
Belief perseverance is when someone maintains a belief or position despite information that contradicts it. We see this on so many levels in society today. It’s human nature to cling to what we originally learned and resist new information that may challenge our original beliefs. Skepticism is healthy (to a point). History is replete with examples of this such as believing the Earth is flat (sorry Flat Earth Society) despite overwhelming evidence we live on a spherical planet. The fact that science changes and evolve further complicates belief perseverance. For example, in college, I had a minor in Physics and we were taught that the proton, neutron, and electron were the smallest sub-atomic particles. Since my college graduation Quantum Physics has emerged which has defined a whole world of fundamental particles smaller than the atom and too complex to describe here. Yes, sometimes it’s easier for me to just cling to the original, simpler belief of the atom.
False (or illusory) correlation is when someone sees a relationship or connection between two things (people, events, data points) when no such relationship exists. On a positive level, this type of selective memory forms the basis of humor. Many internet memes are examples of correlations that are loose (or non-existent) but still funny. Stand-up comedians often use this as the basis for their comedy skits. But there’s a fine line between humor and negativity. Stereotypes that are wrong or harmful are negative examples of this. False correlation can also lead to poor decision-making, especially when one assumes causation. There are mathematical ways to establish correlation and causation which can be used to keep an emotional attachment to data in check.
Attitude polarization is when different points of view become extreme as different parties look for evidence that already supports their beliefs. Ambiguous evidence may serve to widen the gap as each party interprets the data to reinforce their positions. I probably don’t even need to give examples of this in modern society. Online media outlets have added to the polarization. They foster reality distortion fields in which a single news event can be spun in such a way as to further validate incomplete truths or falsehoods. Computer-based algorithms are used in search engine results and social media feeds to serve a person a steady stream of “like-minded” narratives to further the polarization. It’s amazing to me that a single news event can be interpreted in so many opposing, polarized ways.
How should we handle intentional selective memory?
- Use common sense. This is the ability to accurately receive, interpret, and process information in a manner common to most people. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with the majority, it means using discernment to consider the bigger picture. Have an open mind to new ideas, but also be skeptical if the logic isn’t sound or if something sounds too good to be true. Don’t believe everything you hear, but keep your mind open to new things. Contrary to what I learned in economics, people are generally not rational decision-makers. Most decisions in life are emotional ones, so use some common sense.
- Write things down. I have found that many people who regularly display selective memory tend to have an aversion to things in writing. “That’s not how I remembered it” can effectively be countered with a set of notes or a written agreement. It’s become standard practice in our business to create written notes after every meeting. Doing so ensures that everything is recorded for later reference. Trust others but verify facts with written notes.
- Respect others, especially when you disagree. Very little is gained when two opposing viewpoints clash violently. You can tell when a disagreement is getting unproductive when the discussion changes from a consideration of the facts to personal attacks or vague moral imperatives. When that happens, it’s best to walk away or move on to something else. You’re going to be frustrated and unlikely to change the other person’s point of view if they have a closed mind.
- Consider the intentionality of the situation. As mentioned in the first paragraph, some people really do suffer memory loss to varying degrees. Although typically associated with age, there are a number of factors such as trauma and stress that can come into play. On the other hand, some people stand to gain by selectively remembering things. It’s normally obvious if someone’s forgetfulness is intentional or not.
- Be aware of your own biases. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become aware of my own selective memory. To counter this, I am consciously trying to be better about writing things down and considering viewpoints that don’t exactly line up with my own. Indeed, as a middle-aged white man, I make it a point to proactively seek information that may challenge my own beliefs.
Selective memory in society has become a big problem. The advent of algorithmically generated news feeds has amplified our biases and plays into our stereotypes. We tend to remember what we want to remember. Counter this by using common sense and decency when dealing with others. Be aware of confirmation bias and strive to have a more accurate view of the world yourself. I love this paraphrased quote from von Goethe – “if everyone would sweep their own front porch, the world would be a cleaner place.”
[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year. Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran. He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. ]
by Joe Domaleski | Jan 17, 2023 | Blog, Business, Columnists, Community, News Center, Opinion
The ability to look at things in a new light is a powerful, but often overlooked skill. In today’s disposal society, it has become commonplace to discard the old and bring in the new. This applies to resources, situations, and even people. Rushing to replace something without consideration to save it can generate waste and bad will. Yes, there are legitimate reasons to “clean house” and start over, but before doing that take a moment to reconsider.
Even if we don’t immediately see it, often times what we need is already right in front of us. A simple change of perspective can reinvigorate a resource, situation, idea, or relationship. In our culture, the Greatest Generation and those prior were masters at “making do” and “making the most” of what they had. Unfortunately, society has evolved (maybe devolved) to where most are quick to discard things and relationships. Does it make sense to pause before doing that? I think so. Let’s consider some examples.
Equipment and technology – unfortunately, buying new equipment is often cheaper than fixing up older gear. Before trashing it and generating waste, consider whether or not the older technology is salvageable. Perhaps repurposing an old computer or appliance can prevent it from ending up in the dump. If not, donating that obsolete gear might be of use to someone else.
Real estate – it breaks my heart when I see a historic building being bulldozed to make way for new development. Conversely, I think it’s really nice when an organization repurposes an older property or structure in such a way that it preserves history and serves a new purpose. We have examples of both situations in our local community. I’m not a real estate developer, but I do think factors besides money should be considered when it comes to preservation. Who would have thought that preserving an old rail line in Atlanta (now the Atlanta Beltline) would have turned into such catalyst for economic growth? It just took one person to look at that rail in a new light.
Situations – in a previous article we talked about ghosting in which one party abandons a situation with no regards to it’s impact on other people. There may be legitimate reasons to “get out” but if that’s not the case, consider re-evaluating the situation to see how things can be resolved. The ability to help “make it work” is a much needed skill. This applies to the situations we find ourselves in at work, home, and in the local community. Should you stop doing business with someone because of one mistake? Consider the possibilities of learning from that mistake and strengthening the relationship. It’s been my experience that mistakes and hardship create more growth than good times. Seek ways to fix things.
Ideas – “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” is the 5th Habit of Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” (one of my favorite business books). It’s great advice, and applies not only to communication skills but also to how we regard ideas. Avoid dismissing ideas because of your own bias or because they’re old. Consider viewing current ideas from different perspectives. Doing so will often yield new insights which leads to growth and transformational change. Refining a current idea is often a faster and less expensive route to innovation than starting from scratch.
People – unfortunately, there is considerable pop psychology advice about building one’s tribe of like-minded people focused on “what have you done for me lately”. This has fragmented society into cliques. The net result is that it’s more difficult than ever to build consensus between people with different ideas, culture, or social standing. The January 2023 attempts at electing a Speaker of the US House of Representatives is a recent example of ideological dysfunction – and that was within the same political party! Social media further amplifies stereotypes and biases. There’s a fine line between satire and harmful speech. Consider building your tribe with people of different ideas and backgrounds. Find reasons for relationships to work. You might be surprised at what you learn if you take the time to listen by seeing (or hearing) things in a new light or perspective.
Make this a transformational year of positive growth by viewing what’s already around you in a new light. You might be surprised that doing so saves you time and money. Even more importantly, it’ll strengthen your relationships with other people.
[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year. Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran. He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. ]
by Joe Domaleski | Jan 10, 2023 | Blog, Business, Columnists, Community, News Center, Opinion
It’s a new year and with that comes new challenges and new opportunities. Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, has been quoted as saying “change is the only constant in life.” Indeed, change is inevitable and is part of the life experience. Sometimes change is external and thrust upon us. At other times, change is internal and something we initiate. Common types of change include:
- Seasonal changes
- Environmental changes
- Community changes
- Technological changes
- Life changes
- Business changes
Change can either be planned or unplanned. Unplanned changes are typically external and unexpected. They can happen when you least expect it and be quite stressful. Planned changes are usually ones that you initiate or have some advance notice about. Despite knowing about planned changes, they can be just as stressful as unplanned changes. Change is hard, even though it’s part of life.
Major life changes, whether they are planned or unplanned, can be difficult and increase feelings of anxiety. It’s not uncommon to feel a heightened sense of depression coming out of the winter holidays and into the new year. The opportunity and challenge of a new year almost always bring stressful decisions and changes. The fear of the unknown is a deep-seated concern most people have.
I’m certainly not an expert on dealing with change, but over the years I’ve learned how to get better at dealing with change. Here are some tips on how you can deal with change:
- Preparation – I try to anticipate the results of change by thinking about the best case, worse case, and probable case of potential outcomes. The Boy Scouts have a motto, “Be Prepared”. It’s good advice.
- Acceptance – Knowing that change is part of the life experience gives me a sense of comfort that I’m not alone. We’re all fighting battles and dealing with change.
- Perspective – I think this is easier for older people because we’ve had enough life experiences to put things into their proper perspective. I’d encourage younger people to be optimistic that things do get better with time and don’t let a single change become a source of stress. Time tends to make things better.
- Optimism – Yes, I think it’s possible to find good in most changing situations. Count your blessings and look for a good outcome, even if the situation is bad. Some of the greatest things in life come out of change.
- Humor – Sometimes you have to just acknowledge the insanity of a situation and laugh it off, lest it ruin you.
- Deal with it – Most change is temporary and best handled by dealing with it and moving on.
- Take care of yourself – Exercise, eat, sleep and do all of the healthy things you know you should be doing. It’s amazing how a simple walk outside can help clear your head and prepare you for change.
- Own it – Don’t walk away from change, lean into it. Whether it’s planned or unplanned, make it your own by seeking the best possible outcome given the situation.
Yes, life is full of change and nothing is static. Acknowledge the inevitability of change knowing that we all experience change in life. What changes are you dealing with this year? Whatever they are, I wish you success. I’ll be out there dealing with change too. We’ve got this.
[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year. Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran. He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. ]
by Joe Domaleski | Jan 3, 2023 | Blog, Business, Columnists, Community, News Center, Opinion
Welcome to a new year. Last week, most of us lost track of time as we entered that strange week between Christmas and New Year’s Day. This week, it’s back to work, school, or whatever it is that you do regularly. Some of you are contemplating resolutions for the new year by writing down goals and such. That’s not a bad thing, but most people don’t keep those resolutions. I’ve been guilty of that myself. If it works for you, go for it. I’m going to do something different.
Instead of making a list of objectives, I have one simple resolution for the year. If I do it right (or at least mostly right), then other positive things should happen. I have a tendency to overcomplicate things, so this is going to be the year for simplicity. It’s a simple resolution, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be easy.
My resolution for 2023 is to let go of the past and focus on the future.
As a middle-aged person, I’ve accumulated a lot of past experiences and gray hairs to prove it. Most of my life experiences so far have been mostly good, some bad, and some great. Everything I’ve been through is uniquely mine – the failures, the successes, and even the mundane. Many of my experiences have been shared with other people. Other experiences have been experienced alone.
I’ve won and lost awards, sales, and accolades. I’ve been on winning and losing teams. The older I get, the more I realize that both victory and defeat are just part of life’s journey – neither is a permanent state. What’s popular today is quickly forgotten tomorrow. Dwelling on the past can hold one back from the possibilities of the future.
I feel sorry for people stuck in the past – whether it’s a good past or a bad past. Most people have a very selective memory, even if it’s not intentional. They remember the really good or the really bad, forgetting that most of life is fairly uneventful. It’s the trend line of those small victories and joys that add up to a life well lived. As I face the future, I’m going to lighten my load by letting go of some things that are holding me back:
- Regret
- Disappointment
- Lost business
- Missed opportunities
- Jealousy
Letting go doesn’t mean I’ll forget the past. It just means I’m not going to dwell on the past so long that it hinders my forward progress. Past experiences are stepping stones to the future.
If I’m honest, part of this process means forgiving people who’ve let me down and seeking the forgiveness of people that I’ve let down. I’ll probably slip and backslide, that’s to be expected. We’re all imperfect. When that happens, I intend to get up and try again.
Letting go of the past will help clear my mind and open my eyes. It’ll allow me to convert life experiences into wisdom and knowledge that can be applied to the future. Having a clear mind and open eyes will better position me to focus on the future. Most of you have probably heard of the Serenity Prayer – made famous in movies, books, and various 12-step programs.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”
Indeed, the past can not be changed. The future hasn’t been written yet. Let’s make this the best year ever, no matter what happens.
[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year. Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran. He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. ]
by Joe Domaleski | Dec 27, 2022 | Blog, Business, Columnists, Community, News Center, Opinion
Have you ever said or heard, “hope is not a strategy?” Taken at face value, that seems to be a self-evident truth. One simply can’t wish the way to a better future. Just thinking or dreaming about something doesn’t make it happen. We live in a data-driven world in which decisions are made by people and algorithms. Indeed, facts matter. If you’re a leader it’s important to ground your decisions in facts. But there’s more to leadership than just financial reports and analytics. Consider being a leader of hope.
In fact, I maintain the whole basis for our way of life is hope and optimism. As I write this article, it’s the winter holiday season – Christmas for some, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa for others. It’s also the winter solstice, so there’s also a certain reality-based hope for longer daylight hours ahead. Regardless of one’s religious beliefs, most faith traditions associate hope and expectation with holidays around this time of year. Let’s explore what it means to base one’s leadership on hope.
What is hope? The Oxford English Dictionary defines hope as, “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” I think most of us choose to act upon something with an expectation of something better or a desire to avoid something unpleasant. Hope empowers people to act even when logic dictates otherwise. “Paralysis by analysis” and “data-driven despair” has hobbled many people – probably more so this time of year when business and personal expenses are high.
In his “Essays on Man”, Alexander Pope wrote that “Hope springs eternal” which is another way of saying that people tend to find a way to hope regardless of circumstances. Hope gives people the power for overcoming challenges by visualizing a better outcome. In a previous column, I wrote about how to bounce back from a setback. Now we’re going to do a deeper dive into hope and optimism. Here’s how you can implement leadership based on hope.
- Belief – hope starts with a belief that something is true or possible, even if the facts are incomplete or the odds are not in your favor. A wish is simply an emotional desire, which might not be grounded in anything. A belief is rooted in experience and rational thought. Great things can start when a leader believes in something or someone.
- Vision – once a leader believes, he or she needs to create a vision to articulate the belief to others. Vision allows a group to rally around a purpose or goal. The vision makes it possible for people to see a better future or outcome ahead. The vision is what people cling to when times get tough. Hopelessness can occur when there’s no vision. Hope becomes action when there’s a strong vision.
- Possibility – because a belief or vision may be based on incomplete information, it’s important for a leader to demonstrate potential and possibility early and often with actions that provide small “quick wins”. A baseball manager might encourage his team to get on base in order to demonstrate the possibility of winning. A salesperson who makes some small sales is able to demonstrate the ability to recover from a sales slump. Showing progress, even small progress, fortifies hope with a pathway to success that others can follow.
- Goals – actions in support of the vision need to be directed and measured with specific goals. Just “seeing what happens” is not the most effective way to lead a team or organization. Actions and resources should be defined by goals that are specific and measurable. For example, the immediate goal of a losing football team might be to get a first down.
- Flexibility – there’s almost always more than one way to accomplish something. Different paths may arrive at the same destination. A leader needs to be flexible as to how a team arrives at a goal. The very nature of hope means that it’s based in possibility, not a rigid or fixed path. Be willing to adjust when needed.
- Energy – perhaps the most essential ingredient for hope-centered leadership is passion or energy. A passionate person can energize a team. An energized team can do just about anything. Energy is contagious and can make or break a team. Positive energy reinforces the vision and hope. A lack of energy will cause hope or vision to fizzle out.
Even if you’re not a Christian, there’s a beautiful quote about three great virtues in the Christian Bible – “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT). Even though those words were written thousands of years ago, they still ring true today. Hope is an essential ingredient in providing direction toward a desired future outcome. What do you hope for in 2023? Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. Let’s be leaders of hope in the upcoming year.
[Joe Domaleski, a Fayette County resident for 25 years, is the owner of Country Fried Creative – an award-winning digital marketing agency located in Peachtree City. His company was the Fayette Chamber’s 2021 Small Business of the Year. Joe is a husband, father of three grown children, and proud Army veteran. He has an MBA from Georgia State University and enjoys sharing his perspectives drawing from thirty years of business leadership experience. ]
